Calm Before the Storm: Chapter 5.

Previously:

He shared the first picture Haifa posted with a caption,

Musaab:

Hathi Judy?

Haifa:

Eeh haw

Musaab:

Ma 3rft'ha

Haifa:

Eeh 6al3a zy elgmr mashallah gltlha

I scrolled down to read his answer but he just left her on read. I saw Haifa coming so I quickly deleted a random video from her story.

Me: "bs ms7t a5r video shkli feeh 3'bi"

Haifa: "okay"

The rest of the night was perfect. I took pictures with literally everyone in the family, and Khalid especially.

When it was time for zaffa, they played Elissa's famous song.

عبالي حبيبي .. عبالي حبيبي

اغمرك ما اتركك اسرقك ما رجعك

احبسك ما طلعك من قلبي ولا يوم

اخطفلك نظراتك، ضحكاتك، حركاتك

علقن بغرفتي نيمن على فرشتي

احلمن بغفوتي يحلى بعيني النوم

عبالي حبيبي

ليلة البس لك الأبيض وصير ملكك والدنيا تشهد

وجيب منك انت، طفلك انت، متلك انت

عبالي حبيبي

عيش حدك عمر او اكتر

وحبي يكبر كلما نكبر

وشيب لما تشيب .. وعمري يغيب لما تغيب

عبالي حبيبي

عبالي تكاملني واسمك تحملني

بقلبك تخبيني من الدنيا تحميني

وتمحي من سنيني كل لحظة عشتا بلاك

عبالي تجرحني لحتى تصالحني

بلمسة حنونة ..  بغمرة مجنونة

وما غمض عيوني الا انا وياك

عبالي حبيبي ..

I teared by the end of the song, don't ask. I just felt so emotional. This is the first wedding I go to after Nasser and I broke up. I used to think of him whenever I listen to love songs and especially weddings' love songs. I had a very strange feeling. I felt like I’m already in love someone out there but I don't know who it is.

I quickly ran to the bathroom before anyone sees me crying and think in a very wrong way. I locked the door and sat on the toilet.

I heard footstpes following me,

Esraa: "Judy tstahbleen? Yallah e6l3i o5ouk bynzaf el7een"

She seemed serious,

Me: "yallah el7een"

I quickly wiped my tears and tried to fix my makeup. I opened the door.

Esraa: "t9e7een?"

Me: "la haw"

Esraa: "kathaba" she looked me in the eye, "e7lfi"

Me: "mu el7een Esraa, b3dein"

I walked away not waiting for her response. As soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, I heard Jana's voice calling me.

Jana: "yallah Judy omk tnadeek mn awal tdawrik!”

Me: "r7t el7amam, yallah 6l3u?"

Jana: "la lssa bs rou7i ougfi m3ahum"

I stood next to my mom and aunts, we waited for Khalid to show up with the bride and they were the cutest couple I've ever seen in my whole life.

They danced, cut the cake and finally made it to the kousha. I took a couple of pictures with them, and wished them a happily ever after life.

Khalid: "3gbalk ya ba6a!"

Me: "la waini w wain elzawaj haw, badri"

Khalid: "eeh gouli ketha b3dein nshoufk awal w7da mtzawja bl 3aila” he laughed.

Me: "twni 7ta jam3a ma d5lt wsh tbi t7arsh?" I laughed.

Khalid: "astahbl m3ak" he smiled, "bshtag lk marra"

Me: "ent akthar wallah" I hugged him as my eyes were about to tear, I hate how emotional I'm being these days.

Khalid: "la t9e7een la t9e7een" he let go,

Me: "7ywan!"

Khalid: “faj2a asma3 shaheeg shsawelk” he laughed,

After our little chat, I went back to our table as he danced one more time with his bride.

Haifa: "t9dgeen 7mdellah eni 76'rt 3rs gbl 3rsi 3shan a3rf ana 9dg wsh abi, fe ashya2 ktheer ray7a 3n bali!"

Me: "km bagi?"

Haifa: “tbeen bl9’b6?”

Me: “eeh?”

Haifa: “1 month w 3 weeks!”

Me: “shklk t3deen elayam 3d!” I laughed, 

Haifa: “marra mn eltwatur wallah!” she took a breath, "bukra shkli brou7 llwedding planner"

Me: "tbeen aji m3ak?"

Haifa: "wallah?" she smiled,

Me: "eeh, etha mu nashba"

Haifa: "abdan mub nashba kli zg! Jana ma tr6'a tgoum m3ay w omi ween mara7 tji, w Musaab wld b6yfsh"

Me: "bl3ks ana marra a7b ha4i elashya2, 7ta gbl zwaj Khalid knt daymn arou7 m3 zojta Fahda!”

Haifa: "5la9 ajal, bukra elsa3a 2:30 bji a54k okay?"

Me: "5la9 tamam"

The rest of the night was perfect, until my mom and I finally left the hotel and I saw Musaab. He was hopping off his car while his car's trunk was opening, I saw his sister Jana handing him a bag to put in as she hopped in. His other sister Haifa and his mother were already in the car, I could see them clearly through the window.

I stared at him for a moment until he noticed me and I looked away. I took my phone out of my purse pretending to be busy. I saw a WhatsApp message notification.

Esraa:

Tra btgoleenli lesh knti t9e7een

Judy:

B3dein ya zg :)

Esraa:

Rj3ti elbeet?

Judy:

La lssa

Blshar3 nnt6'r baba yji

Esraa:

Oh okay

I locked my phone and raised my head up, I caught Musaab staring at me but he looked away as soon as our eyes met. Things between us became really awkward as you can see.

He was wearing a thobe and a shma3', he looked so fine, or maybe I just haven't seen him looking this formal in ages. A part of me wanted to go and say hi, but then there’s my pride.

My dad’s car finally came and Musaab's car moved, we hopped in his car as he started driving.

My dad and Faisal were in the front seats, as my mom and I were seated in the back ones.

I unlocked my phone and WhatsApped Esraa,

Judy:

I’m becoming so emotional

Yom sh3’lu e3’nyt Elissa jlst a9ee7

I miss Musaab

Nasser*

I miss them both

Esraa:

What?

You’re crushing on Musaab?

Judy:

Allah ygrfk la2 6b3n!

I just miss him

Can’t a girl miss her guy best friend peacefully?

Esraa:

Ela 6b3n bs en9r3t ena ja 6areeh b3d e3’nyt Elissa

Kmli

Judy:

T7sbeen I got over Nasser bs 3shan ma ajeeb 6areeh bs wallah eni 7rfyn kl yom a9ee7, w amsk jwali a7yann 3la bali alga shay mna bs at4kr eli 9ar w arj3 at6’ayg

Akoun mabsou6a w fj2a aglb

Ma wdi akoun ketha Esraa zhagt

Bs 3’9bn 3ni

I wish I can turn my feelings off for a while

T3bt wallah

I miss him so much

Shswi

M7d 7as feeni

Esraa:

Wna ween r7t?

Afa 3laik laish awal mara asm3 hatha elklam ana?

Judy:

L2ni kl youm amthl 3laikum bs 6fsht

Esraa:

Judy, enti akthr w7da t3rfeeni w t3rfeen gd aish akrh ashoufk ketha

Hatha alklam yimken agoula lk ktheer bs wallah en kl shay 5eera

Yimken etha ma shafk Musaab kan 9ar shay akbar!

Judy:

Nfs wsho

Esraa:

T5yli ena kan obouk

Aw a7d mn e5wank

Amana mu Musaab ahwan?

Aw t5yli ena ma shafk Musaab abd 6yb w 6l3ti m3 Nasser akthr mn mara w 3’l6tu bashya2 w jbtu el3eed

Fkri feeha ymkn rsala mn rbi

Ma astshrf 3laik bs 9dg kan 3’l6

Judy:

Lhdrja 6ay7a mn 3eenk enti b3d

Esraa:

L76’a akml

Nasser b3d, shoufi kaif bynt 7geegta w hatha ythbt eli gbla

Wallah Judy Allah y7bk w 3shan ketha yswi feek kl hatha

E7mdi rbk yallah

Judy:

7mdellah

Eeh 6b3n hatha lesson b7yati mar7 ansah

Mar7 a5awi wla r7 a7b bla grf

Eli ybeeni by6g bab baitna

Esraa:

Bl6’b6

That’s my girl ;)

Judy:

A7bk wallah

A7la n3ma b7yati w a7la e5t

Amz7 w3 shfeeni ketha shway w bmout 3laik

Agoulk 9ayra emotional ma t9dgeen

Esraa:

Ana 9rt w3 el7een?

6yb ya Judy

Judy:

5ft

Esraa:

Kli tbn

We went back home and I changed into my pjs and tucked myself under my sheets.

I unlocked my phone to check my WhatsApp notifications before going to sleep, there were a few messages from our family's group.

Khalid:

‎احبكم

Musaab:

‎وش عنده المعرس ماسك جواله 😂

Khalid:

‎كان ودي اصير كيوت وارسلكم كذا شكرًا لقدومكم بعد زواجي عرفتوا كيف

I laughed at their stupidity and typed back,

Judy:

‎انا اقول قابل زوجتك احسن

Faisal:

‎انا بعد والله اشوف كذا

Mama:

‎شفيكم على ولدي اتركوه براحته

‎لا تاخذ وجه وتمصخها بس

Khalid:

‎خلاص بروح، تصبحون على خير كلكم 😂

It was already 6:30 AM by that time, I switched to Snapchat and watched my friends' stories but I lost control and slept with my phone in my hands while watching their stories.

I woke up the next day at almost 2 PM. My body felt so dead and I really wanted a massage but that's probably not going to happen, I have plans.

I got up and got dressed, I applied very light makeup since I'm going with Haifa to meet her wedding planner.

I unlocked my phone and checked if I had any message from Nasser but then remembered that we're over.

It's been a week and I still check my phone everytime wishing his name would pop up. I still can't believe that we broke up. My feelings toward him are very weird and complicated. I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore.

I miss him so much. I miss our chats and our endless night phone calls. I miss the touch of his hands. I miss his hugs' warmness. I miss his laugh. I miss how shiny his eyes get when we have an eye contact. I miss his smile. I miss his face. I miss his morning and night texts. I miss him during the day. I miss him every second.

His love felt so real, yet I still don't know why he cheated on me. He calls her a friend yet I saw them touching hands. I'm still waiting for this nightmare to end. I want to wake up as soon as possible but seems like it's not even a dream.

I switched to Twitter to check up on him and read his latest tweets,

"‏‏يمكن في بحر نومي نلتقي

‏حلم بسيط يابساطة مطلبي"

"ماتهون أيام حبك، حلوة كانت ولا مرة"

"‏فاقدك والليل يسالني عليك، وده من الشوق يجمعني معك.."

"‏أمانة يا قمر يا ساريٍ بالليل خذ سلامي

‏وصبّه شوق في عين اللذي عيني معنّيها.."

A tear fell from my eyes on my phone and I couldn't read the rest of his tweets clearly. I didn't want to read more and make my heart even ache more. A part of me still wants him, but my pride won't let me talk to him and it's just better off this way.

I tweeted:

"‏فيني عتب أكبر من الكون كله.. ‏وفيني على صدة رفيقي مشاريه‏

‏بس الكرامة فيني تقول خله.. من مايداري خاطرك لا تداريه"

‏"بكرا يموت الجرح وانسى لياليك

‏وألقى شبيهك وارفعه فوق قدرك.."

I wanted him to read these two tweets more than anything. I know I sound like a 15 year old teenager who just broke up with her 16 year old boyfriend, but it's my only way to reach him.

He hurt me, and I don't think I'll ever forget it. I might forgive him, I already did. I just won't ever forget the feeling he made me feel. I felt used, cheap, and pitched. He made his love feel so real, and then played me, and I truly hate him for doing this.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound my phone ringing. Haifa. She told me that she has arrived, so I quickly wore my shoes and left the house after kissing my parents' forehead.

We met her wedding planner, then went shopping together. Nothing so exciting happened but I enjoyed it with her.

Haifa: "ma j3ti?"

Me: "wallah marra"

Haifa: "yallah ajal nrou7 nt3'ada? Bs bkalim Musaab w Jana ok? L2ni wa3dt'hum a3'deehum bara"

Me: "eeh sure"

No. I don't want Musaab to come. I can't stand being with him, not because I hate him. I'm just ashamed of myself. I don't want him to look at me the way he does. I want to change the way he looks at me, but I have no idea how to do it.

We went to an Italian restaurant, and waited for Musaab and Jana to show up.

Me: "yallah wainhom bmout jou3!"

Haifa: "gali greeb"

As soon as she said these two words, Musaab finally came in wearing a thobe. His appearance alone was kind of seductive. His raven black hair was kind of messy. His eyes were dark brown framed by his beautifully drawn eyebrows. His nose was so sharp, and his lips were pink. He had a dirty beard —the thing I loved the most about him, I used to beg him not to shave it,— he was fit, he had some muscles, but not too many. They were reasonable.

My thoughts of his appearance were interrupted as soon as he came closer. My brain suddenly blanked out. This was the first time I ever look at Musaab this way. I've never seen him like this. I stared at him a little too much, and focused on his facial details. I had to admit, he was handsome, even more handsome than Nasser. But all of this felt so wrong. I can't look at my brother like this. Not in million years.

Musaab: "elslam 3lykum"

Haifa and I: "w 3lykum elslam"

He sat down and had a look at the menu,

Haifa: "haw ween Jana?"

Musaab: "3yt tgoum" he raised his face up and faced me, "shlounik Judy?" and then lowered his face again without showing any facial expressions.

Me: "el7mdellah, kaifk ent?"

Musaab: "kways 7mdellah" he said while looking at the menu.

Haifa: "okay so esh t6lboon?"

We told her what we wanted as she called the waiter and we told him our orders.

My phone buzzed, a WhatsApp notification from Haifa.

Haifa:

Wsh feeh Musaab yna6'r ketha?

Judy:

Keef?

I sent the message as I raised my head up to look at him, he was staring at me, giving me death stares. He looked like he had something to say, but he remained silent instead. I know he wanted to reproach me so bad. But he just looked away as soon as I looked back.

//

I'm so sorry for the delay, I just wasn't in town and my laptop wasn't with me, please let me know if you have any questions, and don't forget your feedback.